Thursday, July 28, 2011


All that I can think of right now is a closure. 

Why do I need a closure? I don’t know. So my life could be much easier? Maybe. So my life could be less complicated? Definitely. 

A closure means I’m going to cut all the connections with all the people involved. Family is the only exception.

Let’s talk about the phases of my life.  

So far I have gone through 5 phases.

Up until I turn 12, it’s a phase of my lonely childhood. I have few friends but no close friends. I could barely remember their names right now but I had one crush, whose initial is S. I went through kindergarten, primary school and secondary school with him i.e being his classmate for 12 years.

When I was 13, it was a one year of hell. Literally. 2 words to describe, boarding school. I was about to go crazy but I did managed to pull myself out from the misery when I finally decided to change school. Even until now, I still think it was a wise decision. 

The third phase is the 4 years I spent in my secondary school. The first 3 years mostly revolved around a person whose initial is F. The final year in secondary school was a blast. It’s a senior year! What else I can say about it? A person whose initial is E involved heavily and I still carry the memory of this person until the 5th phase of my life. E is no one special but always going to be the highlight of my senior year. 

The fourth phase is the 2 years I spent doing my Foundation. It was real crazy as mostly it was full of distractions other than studying. Involved in so many things I don’t want to be involved in but they just happened. I believe there are reasons behind all those things. I was lost... I was stuck somewhere... I couldn't find myself... I was on the verge of giving up... Trying to stop chasing something that isn't destined to be mine to begin with.

The fifth phase is the 2 years I spent in Kuantan Campus. Lots of things happened back there. I found another person worth to be called as Mr. Right but it is just the fact that he’s just not right for me. But something else happened. A person whose initial is S happened. A great friend. A great companion. I vowed I would never turn my back on S. 

The thing is, I was hoping to say goodbye to all these memories so I could finally restart my life. I have done few things like setting up new blog, new Facebook account and etc for this to happen but it seems impossible to erase some things... some persons... and of course some places... from my life...

Therefore, I think it’s wise to keep these things within me... I’ll live with the traces of memories I have about them... 

Wait! What about the closure I was talking about?
I guess, the closure is just something that I want but will never get.

...and now, after those journey I went through, I finally find a new path to walk on. A journey to finally reveal my true capability. Whether I’m strong enough to depend on no one but myself, whether this journey is worth fighting for, whether this journey is the one that I’m going to take until the end of my life...

It is a journey to make my dream come true..

p.s.: Happy birthday!

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