I don't Want to Self-Diagnose Myself But

My brain-fog is getting worst these days. I need to look into supplements or vitamins to help with this.

Life Went By but Somehow was on Pause

Today marks one year after I got hospitalised for the very first time in my life and few weeks after that, I got my official diagnose - yes, I got cancer. I swear I was about to break down, cry (I did, a little bit actually) and maybe scream but my mother was there with me so I can't afford to do just that so I wiped my tears quickly and asked my doctor what's the best next move and the answer was clear as day; I had to undergo a major surgery.

I've had two weeks to prepare myself so I sorted my works, I told the rest of my immediate family members about my upcoming surgery and asked for their understandings as to why I refused any visits from them. They're all understood why I did it this way; except maybe my father who probably told all the members of his circle because several months after that, some random uncle suddenly asked about my health and whether things were going well at the hospital.

I honestly don't remember much after the surgery but I did started working from my hospital bed several days after that. I just can't help it, I know but I felt like if I didn't do any work, there's this emptiness creeps in slowly and I found myself overthinking. A lot.

For about four months after my surgery, I've spent those months at my parents house and I started clearing out my apartment in the city with the help from my brothers as I didn't have much energy to move around. It was around November when I started going to radiotherapy and established quite a nice routine around the sessions. At this point, lots of my relative started asking questions as to why I didn't come to any family gathering on both sides of the family but I just couldn't respond to anything and kept going with my own pace. 

About three weeks after my last session, I was experiencing crucial pains along my thigh for several days and I just had to give up and headed to the emergency department. Again. 

At this point I was about to give up but seeing my younger brother showed up at the medical bay, I just couldn't. When he just happened to ask me where I was, I was already on bed getting my blood taken for tests and he said he was just going to wait outside; assuming I was visiting a friend and was surprised when I finally gave in and told him I was actually being admitted. 

Thus begin the longest time I've spent being hospitalised and probably the worst of times in my life although looking from the outside, I've just had the nicest month-long vacation. I've got Netflix, HBO Max, Disney+, Viu subscriptions on my TV, the most beautiful view outside my window with the sunset, plane landings and departures, golf course and I even spotted monitor lizards in the pond nearby. I'm not going to lie, there was a point when I question my purpose in life and why do I have to keep going. 

I asked Allah every night about the wisdom of my sufferings, the pains, the loneliness and then I question myself about my stubbornness, ego, plead for everything to just end right there.

After 5 weeks spent on antibiotics, I was discharged like a day before Raya and my family understood that there's no way were going to celebrate properly so I took us all to a vacation place nearby where we've had our first Raya with just the five of us - the very first time after my older brother got married 14 years ago. My nephew and niece were sent to their mother's side of family as my nephew still need to go for his dialysis treatments and it's still quite far from the place that we stayed at plus this year was actually meant to be their mother's turn hosting so it was all good for my brother and his first ex-wife.

I spent most March through June going to physiotherapy sessions to improve my mobility and it was around last month I've started gaining my strength back. I used up all my medical insurance limit so I started going to private clinics for medication and after trying three different clinics, I've finally found one that shown positive lab results and their medications have significantly improved my skin condition. Alhamdulillah.

I celebrated my 38th birthday on bed, turned off my phone the whole day and did literally nothing. I sat down in the middle of my apartment alone, thinking I cannot just go back to my life without changing anything especially having gone through the past year so I swam through my things, looked for this laptop and started writing this post. 

I know this is a weird time of the year for me to sit down and reflect on things but I guess we all can start anything at any point of our lives so here it is. Here's to a better life; better things, better choices, better people and hopefully a better Muslim. 

Lots of question like "Luka bekas apa tu?" and I simply replied with "Kena gigit nyamuk.". 

Utterly Confused

Woke up to a fruit basket; never got a flower nor a fruit basket before.

Everything started yesterday when I finally caved to my mum's persuasion about my backpain so I dropped by a polyclinic located just below my office but the medical officer advised for me to just go directly to emergency department nearby.

So I went to Gleneagles Hospital and now I'm still confused as to what's going to happen to me next but my condition is stabilised so thank God. Now, I'm bored and just waiting for lunch to be served.

Numbed and Confused

Merely four months of adjustment period with some new additions to the family, here we are again at this point of feeling numb and confused by the whole relationship forged I'd say quite impulsively.

Throwback Thursday | McDonald's Minion Carrier

This got released sometime around December, 2021 and I remember there's also a banana-like carrier got released in 2022 so give me sometime to go look for the photo. 

Can't wait to see the movie!!

More Minions!

Not that I actually missed getting McDonald's but with the new Despicable Me movie coming out next month, I just can't help getting this merchandise from GSC while buying popcorn for my nephew and niece as they're watching Inside Out 2 last night.

I've been so occupied with work lately I haven't been watching movies at cinema for - I don't remember how many months now but I really can't wait to watch Despicable Me 4 soon!

Return of the Oversized Shirt

I recalled the last time I wore that old red Padini Authentic shirt was about 2 years ago (right photo); I was about to go out with a couple of friends that I used to hang out with and had to wear it this morning as I departed from parent's place (left photo). I didn't packed anything when I went home for the weekend as I was thinking that I don't have to go anywhere other than just my office but I got a last minute invitation to a meeting at MINDEF hence the no-shorts and t-shirts allowed on their military grounds. If you're curious, yes, those are the same shawl and watch too.

If you're a HIMYM fan then you would remember that one episode from the first season titled 'Return of the Shirt' where Ted Mosby was reuniting with an old shirt and attempted to get back together with an ex-girlfriend. God, I promise you that I won't be back together with the two. I promise.

Things have been real crazy for the past month as I was occupied with accounting audits since early last month and I'm about halfway through with 2 days left for me to submit my documents to my accountants. I'm positive that I can finish everything on time and the fact that I've finished half of this whole thing today allows me to at least have a good sleep tonight. 

So, good night!

First Visit to the Dentist since Pandemic

My molars were killing me for sometime to the point I can't open my mouth bigger than 2 fingers wide and I've been having less than warm porridge for weeks now so I've finally cleared off my schedule for a visit to my new dental clinic. 

I used to go to the one nearby my old workplace but now it's quite far from my office so I've figured I'll just go to this clinic as it's located right in my office building.

First Outstation Trip of the Year

 

Final KL Trip for the Year

Sorting My Laundry Area

 

Gift from Krabi

 

Healing at the top of the Hill

 

 

Marhaen But Luxury

 

Best Consumed Within 24 Hours

More like, 2 hours! 

 

Long Drive for Mi Tauhu Tawau

 

Long Drive for Nasi Kuning

 

Long Drive for Tenom Coffee

 

Another Man's Treasure

 

Old Favourite