All that I can think of right now is a closure.
Why do I need a closure? I don’t know. So my life could be much easier? Maybe. So my life could be less complicated? Definitely.
A closure means I’m going to need to cut all the connections with all the people I've involved with and family members are the only exception.
But first, let’s talk about the phases of my life and so far I have gone through 5 phases.
Up until I turned 12, it was a phase of my lonely childhood. I had few friends but none of them I can call as close friends. I barely remember their names right now but I did had one crush, whose initial is S. I went through kindergarten, primary school and secondary school with him i.e being his classmate for 12 years.
When I was 13, it was a one year of hell. Literally! 2 words to describe, boarding school. I was about to go crazy but I did managed to pull myself out from the misery when I finally decided to change school. Even until now, I still think it was a wise decision.
The third phase is the 4 years I spent in my middle school. The first 3 years mostly revolved around a person whose initial was F. The final year of middle school was a blast as I was 17, one of the top students, circles of friends, participated in mountains of activities and I still think it was the best year of my life. A person whose initial was E involved heavily and I still carry the memory of this person until the 5th phase of my life.
The fourth phase is the 2 years I spent doing my Foundation. It was real crazy as mostly it was full of distractions other than studying. I was involved in so many things I don’t want to be involved in but things just happened although I believe there are reasons behind all those things. I felt I was lost and stuck somewhere, I couldn't find my past self and I was on the verge of giving up all the time. I was trying to stop chasing something that isn't destined to be mine to begin with.
The fifth phase is the 2 years I spent in Kuantan Campus and of course, more life lessons. I found another person worth to be called as Mr. Right but it is the fact that he’s just not right for me. But something else happened; more like, someone whose initial is S happened. A great friend and a great companion. I vowed I would never turn my back on S.
The thing is, I was ready to say goodbye to all these phases so I could restart my life, a new beginning, perhaps. I have set up new blogs, new Facebook account, etc. for this to happen but it seems impossible to erase some things, some people and of course, some places from my life.
So I’ll try to live with them.
But what about the closure I was talking about earlier? I guess, the closure is just something that I want but will never get.
So I'll just have to move on.
...and now, after those separate journeys I went through, I finally find a new path to walk on. A journey to finally reveal my true capability and to test whether I’m strong enough to depend on no one but myself. Whether this journey is going to make or break me, it is the one that I’m going to take until the end of my life.
p.s.: Happy birthday!
xoxo,
V
