Back to an Old Routine

 

Taking a Walk

 

Looking Back

I have to admit, after living for about 8 years far from my family, I feel like as I'm on the edge whenever someone asked me about my feelings all this time. 

Truth is, I've always want to come home and just live a simple life. 

Staying at home, being just a regular kampung girl. Gathering with some girls laughing with me at malam badak on Saturday nights and having occasional shopping spree at KK while looking forward to social gatherings in the village. 

... I'm not saying that's all what typical village girls are doing but... I was like that.. at least in my teenage years. 

It's just that during those times, I feel so carefree and.. happy. 

I've noticed that whenever I come home, some of my relatives were like talking about my fashion sense and whatnot... saying I should have been wearing this and that... instead of this and that... pointing out why I don't even wear makeups... sigh. I don't know that living in KL means I have to be on pointy stilettos, wearing the latest fashion item, know where the local celebs hanging out and put on makeups while shopping for kitchen supplies. Well, I know. Sounds exaggerating, at least the last part.  

I started living in KL when I was just turning 18 and back then I feel I'm going to finish my studies like in just few years and honestly, I'm still not sure whether I'm on the right track or not.

Yep, I feel lost. 

Life is full of mystery.

Well, everybody knows that. 

While I was hanging out with first year students, some of them were really surprised when I told them I once have a life in Kuantan. 

To be honest, I don't really know what to say if people ask me questions like "Why are you in architecture?" or "since you already have experiences in Biomedical Science, why don't you choose a related course like health sciences, maybe?" 

All I can say that things happen for reason and that's all. We plan things for the future but then who knows what Allah plans for us. 

If I choose to go to Matriculation Labuan instead of CFS, IIUM, will I be in a different university right now?

Who knows what happen if I didn't change from Engineering back when I was in CFS? Will I be graduating with my friends last year? 

What if I didn't choose to leave Kuantan, will I be with my best friend today?

So what I'm trying to say is, if you guys ever in a situation like me, when you had to choose different paths in life in the future, just one thing you guys need to remember. 

Just focus on whatever you have in front of you. 

Stop contemplating with the past. It's all gone now. You're here. In the present. What matter is your future. 

So if you think you're not happy with what you're doing right now? Why wait?

The time is now. Do all things that can make you happy and close to what you believe in. 

Should I Or Should I Not?

It's been awhile since I last updated this blog.

Well, as I only have been updating "Live Your Life to the Fullest" and "Light Up My Soul"...

Anyway, the last entry was... wow. 6 months ago? To you guys who've been reading my blog; I was quite surprised to see the stats actually, I really appreciate it. Thank you very much. Just leave comments if you guys want to. Sorry for removing some really personal comments though. Hehe

For the past six months of my life, so many things happened, of course. First studio was really crazy. I have gained great companions along the way. Up to the point where we even contact each other during the semester breaks. Yep! Though it's been only 4 months we know each other, we kinda attached to each other very well. Haha

The semester break was nice. Really. Now that we have built a small office nearby our house, it's so easy to operate things rather than we have to back and forth from the town nearby as dad's office is located there. Dad's gonna officially move his things probably in this upcoming months. Mom too.

There's also a plan where dad gonna built a new house for us. Us here only me, mom and my younger brother as he gonna let my big bro live in our old house. When he retired from air force in 5 years time.

What else? Oh. About the entry's topic.

Should I or Should I Not?

I was thinking to actually take Japanese lessons. Like some sort of introduction before I really going to take a real Japanese Language Proficiency Test later on. I need to at least pass N2 before I could I actually apply to Japanese university.

So, I'm gonna use the next 3 years to study the language, aiming to further my study there.

Well, that's my plan for now.

That's what I've been thinking recently. I'm tired to think about what going to happened in the next 5 years, 10 years already. I'll think about that later.

My best friend is right. Totally.

Maybe it's time for me to think about me. I should move on. I guess it's time to let go of that person, too. I'm talking about a person who I have been thinking about for the past 7 years.

I feel so lightless when I finally come to term to that. It's been really stuffy so I guess that's probably the reason why.

Since there's no possibility for us being together. Who knows what's gonna happen in near future but as for right now, I think I'm just gonna live with the fact that I'm ready to let him go.

Huh. We're not even together before this. Yeah. I guess it's really weird to keep on waiting for someone that'll never come, right?

So, yeah. 2013 is gonna be a great year.

Now, I'm really free.

The Past Has Already Gone

....yet why some of us still contemplating about it?

When some of us got back something that related to the past, something that remind us of the moment that we're so happy, should we really hang onto it?

If everything has changed since then, why bother to hang onto it?

We can't just got back to something in the past just because it's good, it makes you comfortable,... it's familiar...

"we were just happened to be classmates for 12 years..."

"we were just happened to share the dormitory for 4 years"

"we were never together..."

"we were never friends..."

though I have to admit I never see this could happen...yet it is happening...

For that, all I could say... that I wish all the happiness in the world for you and her.

I hope you and him will stay together forever... from here to the hereafter...



Over my shoulder, I saw nothingness crawling behind my back...

A silhouette of a girl dressed in beige with the sound of her heels clicking on the pavement, slowly disappearing into the light of...

Header.. Oh header...

Thinking of changing the header...

Same theme but different colour... Will do after I'm done with the mid term!