Happy 32nd Birthday

 

Happy 31st Birthday

 

My 30th Birthday

 

Another Year Has Passed

It's been few years since the last time I celebrate my birthday. In 2014, I was so busy with Eid preparation and as my birthday fell on 1st Syawal that year, I only realized after we went to 4 or 5 house visits. 

Last year was a bit crazy too as mum and dad were busy with their own projects and I had to babysit my baby nephew so we just went out to get cakes but only ate it like few days after my parents were done doing their stuffs. 

As for this year, I feel kinda different as I celebrate my birthday in my office. Only one person who knew about it but everyone of course found out later~ Thanks for all the wishes, guys!

I was in tears for a little while for this really kind gift. The ribbon is handmade and she even handwritten her wishes. Ah~ so sweet! sorry for the cameo of my coin purse there.. haha

We bought some cakes during lunch hour but later around 3 p.m., Dad popped in at our usual hangout place i.e. Multi Bake downstairs so I grabbed some more cakes for us at the office. haha

After work, my lil' bro came to pick me up and we headed straight to Suria Sabah to have dinner at Sushi King, my all time favourite place. But before that, I went to Ogawa at Level 2 to pick up something, a gift for myself this year. 

After dinner, we went to Golden Screen Cinema (GSC) to watch Jason Bourne. I haven't watch the first 3 movies but this movie is awesome to me (big fan of action movie here) with the fight scenes, explosions and whatnot.  

So I guess that's all about it! I'll see you guys next post! Au revoir~

Another Year Has Passed

This year it's seems almost I didn't care for this day. Except for wishes from friends and family, I got nothing else. Heck, even my best friend didn't call to say Happy Birthday. 

Anyway, we just went out and have a slice of cake (well, 3 slices, I was pissed) at Secret Recipe and headed out to Pizza and I got myself chicken steak. With a baby boy was crying (and driving me crazy) on the next table. 

So yeah. On the way back. I deliberately fall asleep. Didn't have much to say. 

Good night everybody. 

Another year has passed~

Since yesterday, I was thinking of something that I could do to mark this day.
Should I go out, buy some stuffs, watch movies, eating out (break fast), or should I just stay in the room, doing.... Nothing. Or, should i just go Y.O.L.O.? Well, that'll be something. LOL

Unlike the previous July 28s, this one was a bit emotional even for me.
I spent like an hour sitting at the gazebo outside my block at 3 in the morning... Thinking how my life went for the past 12 years... Why 12? Cause the memory before that was completely sealed somewhere in my brain and the key was lost somewhere in my heart...

Anyway, as I was saying... Sometimes, life can be cruel. But at the same time it can bring you indescribable happiness. Like, how speechless you are when you're been asked, "why did you like him?" haha. I hit a spot there, right?

Therefore, instead of wasting each day thinking of what you could do in the past to fix whatever in the past, stop and move on with your life. It's probably not just another chapter in your life but when you look at it, it is just another chapter of your life and with the power in none other than your hands, you could just close the book and buy another Moleskine notebook or maybe a fresh journal, that can help you open a new chapter in your life. Literally.

As Allah's the Almighty creation, there's so much we could do about our life.
If you have doubts, then maybe you should stop ignoring it and start finding the answer.

If you want to travel and see the world, maybe it's the right time to go for a retreat and along the way, who knows what you might unearth that been buried within you all this time.

If you don't like what're you doing, why are you still keep doing it? Find the courage and go do what you want! Do something that you're best at. That you're happy with. Feeling blessed with.

All I'm saying, life's too short for us to miss it. Well, I learned it the hard way though. Only after 7 years of chasing something that's almost meaningless, I found the one thing that I want to do for the rest of my life. That if you asked me during the previous twelve July 28s, I might not even know that I'm gonna choose this path. But that's life.

"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans." John Lennon is so damn right.

So rise up, ask yourself what you wanna do and live your life the fullest.

Peace out!


P.S. Happy birthday to all Leo babies out there!

Closure

All that I can think of right now is a closure. 

Why do I need a closure? I don’t know. So my life could be much easier? Maybe. So my life could be less complicated? Definitely. 

A closure means I’m going to need to cut all the connections with all the people I've involved with and family members are the only exception.

But first, let’s talk about the phases of my life and so far I have gone through 5 phases.

Up until I turned 12, it was a phase of my lonely childhood. I had few friends but none of them I can call as close friends. I barely remember their names right now but I did had one crush, whose initial is S. I went through kindergarten, primary school and secondary school with him i.e being his classmate for 12 years.

When I was 13, it was a one year of hell. Literally! 2 words to describe, boarding school. I was about to go crazy but I did managed to pull myself out from the misery when I finally decided to change school. Even until now, I still think it was a wise decision. 

The third phase is the 4 years I spent in my middle school. The first 3 years mostly revolved around a person whose initial was F. The final year of middle school was a blast as I was 17, one of the top students, circles of friends, participated in mountains of activities and I still think it was the best year of my life. A person whose initial was E involved heavily and I still carry the memory of this person until the 5th phase of my life. 

The fourth phase is the 2 years I spent doing my Foundation. It was real crazy as mostly it was full of distractions other than studying. I was involved in so many things I don’t want to be involved in but things just happened although I believe there are reasons behind all those things. I felt I was lost and stuck somewhere, I couldn't find my past self and I was on the verge of giving up all the time. I was trying to stop chasing something that isn't destined to be mine to begin with.

The fifth phase is the 2 years I spent in Kuantan Campus and of course, more life lessons. I found another person worth to be called as Mr. Right but it is the fact that he’s just not right for me. But something else happened; more like, someone whose initial is S happened. A great friend and a great companion. I vowed I would never turn my back on S. 

The thing is, I was ready to say goodbye to all these phases so I could restart my life, a new beginning, perhaps. I have set up new blogs, new Facebook account, etc. for this to happen but it seems impossible to erase some things, some people and of course, some places from my life.

So I’ll try to live with them.

But what about the closure I was talking about earlier? I guess, the closure is just something that I want but will never get. 

So I'll just have to move on.

...and now, after those separate journeys I went through, I finally find a new path to walk on. A journey to finally reveal my true capability and to test whether I’m strong enough to depend on no one but myself. Whether this journey is going to make or break me, it is the one that I’m going to take until the end of my life.

p.s.: Happy birthday!

xoxo,

V

As Always...

There are things in life that we can never forget. Even though we tried so hard by distracting ourselves with so many things to do and attend to, we still ended up remembering that certain things... Certain days...

Thought it won't take long to forget.. but then... it's been... 6? 7 years I think...

Anyway, just wanna wish to that person...

Happy 24th birthday and may Allah be with you no matter where you are...


Regards,

Am I Hurt?

Trying to find a right word to start this entry for about almost half an hour but I couldn't just find anything.

Here goes nothing...

I always think that maybe I was right about him. He is perfect. Perfect in every aspect I can think of. Perfect in the eyes of people around him - though some may think not but the fact that he is way too perfect for me just keep on haunting me ever since the first moment I met him.

I was in the middle of nowhere while finding one simple reason to forget someone until the day I met this one guy who I thought a worker in our faculty's photocopy centre. I was stunned when I heard his voice for the first time. After asking few questions then I found out that he's actually a student in 3rd year and what a beautiful coincidence that we shared the same department! I was so elated and thought it was a bless to have such wonderful senior and after having a quite long conversation, I left with my friend with one thing about me he misunderstood. My name or rather my nickname.

After that, he really had caught my attention. I saw him everywhere around the campus - I really did asked myself whether it was just me or it was really odd coincidences to see him even in other faculties. Such a small world isn't it? He always appears in such presentable ways of dressing up. Not too schematic but rather casual and his choice of colours just enlightened me each and every time.

From time to time, I updated myself about things that revolved around him via his classmates which happened to be housemates and people I hang out with. I know it is so high school but I don't really care about those said things.

Facebook is a phenomena and I'm one of people who included in the list of those who got really into it after signed up. There I found his account and of course I added him. Well, not to forget the fact that I was dared by someone but still, I was jumping up and down when he finally approved me. We chatted few times and I think I was having a great time spending some time 'hovering' his profile. Laughing with my friends while looking at pictures that he posted up in his FB or reading his random entries on his wall.

So basically, all I can say is I really like this guy. Up to the level I would sit in the faculty's lounge just to get a glimpse of him. Hey, he's a great guy so don't put the blame on me!

But the beautiful days have come to an end when I finally found out about his relationship with someone who attended the same university as us.

My heart was broken. Like one big shining crystal that been crushed to the wall and shattered into debris of worthless glass.

It was just a simple crush! I know and that was I thought about the whole thing but I guess it's not. My days had become so stressing with the finals were around the corner. I felt so childish and stupid.

Well, what more can I say? I moved on. Or that was I thought. Time went so fast and few months I started to hang out around him again. But the feeling wasn't the same anymore. Though some times I could feel that he actually knows about how I feel towards him but that was only a prediction.

almost 2 semesters had already passed and things don't really change much. I still catching up about him but I can see the fine and invisible line telling me I had more than enough of him already.

but I'm just a human. I make mistakes. A lot of mistakes and being easily lured into the 'black hole' of beautiful and wonderful thoughts of him probably one that I should've avoided.

Things happened for reasons. Though I tried so hard to find wisdoms behind all the things happened in my life, I just couldn't wrap my head around this thing that just happened just now.

He is getting married.

Am I hurt?

p.s this is the 'best' birthday present ever!