Love Letter

I've been lying on this comfy bed for almost half an hour but I couldn't sleep... Though I just came back after spending the whole day in the library, I just can't sleep... Though I feel so tired and exhausted... I still can't close my eyes... I hugged Mr. D tightly, but I still feel uncomfortable... So many things in my head but I don't know what am I thinking right now...

I guess there's something is bothering me... I look outside the window, I can't see the moon tonight... I look at the ceiling, trying to search for something to look at... Nothing...

I look at my watch, it's almost midnight... I wonder why I couldn't sleep... Is it because of the final exams? It's possible though...

Snap! I quickly looked at my watch again... It's midnight and it's 11th of November! Now I remember why I just can't stop thinking about you recently... It's your birthday!

We know each other for 5 years already... but I feel like I've known you long before that... On this special day, I would like to wish you a very happy 21st birthday... I wish all the happiness in the world for you... All the best in everything you do... and mostly, I hope that you can get everything that you wished for...

Honestly, though I never said how I actually felt about you, I just want you to know that I do really care about you... Though you can't really tell from the way I look at you...

Do you still remember the first time we talked to each other? I can't forget that day... You refused to help me in Physics, though you were good at it back then... It's the first time I felt so rejected, you know? We never talked again after that day until the day you showed me your drawings to me and I felt so amazed with it...

If you notice, I never talk to any other person like the way I talk to you... Though you never look at me straight to my eyes, that's the thing I like the most about you... When you express your thoughts, you always be honest and selfless... Though you tried so hard like you know all the things in the world... But I always know that you were innocent... You never talked highly about yourself... You always said there are other people who are better than you...

If you ask me, I don't even remember since when I started to like you... I never actually realize the feeling that I had for you is that special... I just thought that the feeling will go away after awhile.. But it didn't... It never did... I thought it's just a simple crush... or I just infatuated... We were in high school... But I don't know why I acted so mature back then...

Now, after all these years... I still can sense your presence here with me... Though you are so far away from me... and all those things that happened back then, I feel like it just happened yesterday...

Truthfully, I always wished that things didn't turned the way like what happened last time...

I always wanted for things that happened between us didn't end like that...

So on this special day, your birthday... I would like to take this day where I finally say to you... and I'm sorry for taking this long to finally to be able say it in front of you...

I Love You... I Miss You... and I Really Need You... E.F. ...

With Love,

NMJ

Do I Have To Follow What They Say?

Basically now I'm at the end of my first year means I did 2 long semester and I did an extra short semester to do language and religion studies. So far I did 8 Core Courses, 2 University Required Courses, 2 Faculty Required Courses and 2 Service Courses...

That are the facts... But honestly, I feel like it's been so many years since I enter this university life! Tiring and exhausting but only a bit exciting...

While doing my foundation, there was one time where I think Architecture is kind of interesting but also very tiring. I saw my roommate - an Architecture student, slept for only a few hours a week, a lot of projects to be done, assignments to be submitted and lots of other things to be done. I'm not complaining but as a Science student, I also have assignments to do, lab reports to be submitted, model constructions, and lots of other things... But I don't know why I don't find this course I'm doing right now is not interesting as I can see in Architecture...

I never actually dream to be an Architect. But before I finished my foundation studies, I grow deep interest towards Architecture. If I saw a very interesting building, not only looking at it for a very long time, I can imagine the blue prints of the building, how the building looks on papers, what are the material used to build it and lots of other things... But mostly, I enjoy the designs of buildings...

Generally, I really like Architecture as a whole, but if I want to be specific, I love interior designing especially for homes. I also think Japanese tea house has great interior design. Every thing inside and outside of the house mean something.

So now, I really don't know what to do. I asked Mum about it, she just said just think for a bit and consider what you've done for the last 3 years - in Foundation and in here... But it's not that I just going to throw everything away. I can still transfer some of my credit hours as I'm still going to be in the same university, I can resell my books that I bought for around RM1000 for second hand price and get at least 50% back. Well, money isn't a problem here. What matter is the thing I'm going to do in future.

Think about this.

If I were an architect, I can involve in my family business easily. When I got accepted in Engineering Faculty, I refuse to get in as it's so NOT my interest to be an engineer. But my Dad said if I were an engineer, I can help with the business. But I didn't think of Architecture during that time so I took Science in Biology as I really love Biology - Anatomy to be specific. So now, I think it's shouldn't be a problem, right?

I've been doing all the things my parents want me to do - it's for my own goodness, I know. But all this time I really did what they asked me to do. When I want to go to an ordinary school, they said boarding school was better, when I want to change my stream to religion studies, they said stay in Science stream, when I said I want to got to KPM's Matriculation, they said IIUM's Matriculation - now Centre for Foundation Studies was better, changing from Department of Biotechnology to Biomedical Science was my own choice but they didn't go against it, and now I want to change to Architecture for the sake of them, and they say NO?

It's not that I'm feeling angry or anything but I'm trying not to be emotional about this.

I'm trying so hard to be rational but I just still can't understand any of this.

Oh God the Almighty, I seek for your guidance...

Give and Take

Finally... after the long 14 weeks the lectures ended today... but then the finals are coming!!!

Today also was the final session in Study Circle II, I think its the longest usrah, as we start at 12:30 p.m. and ended everything at 2:30 p.m.!!! Still, I'm glad I went for it... as one of my usrah-mate said something about forgiving people who had done wrong to you...

Well, so far... I've been through a lot of things that most of my friends said, "I couldn't go through that kind of situation... You know Allah test us in according to our capability, right..".

Still remember when I was still in boarding school, I was bullied, tortured, and lots of other things happened to me... Not physically but mentally... When I decided to change my school, then the girls (and some of the boys) came to me and said they were sorry and they just don't know how to deal with someone like me from the very beginning of our High School life, and hoped for me continue to stay with them. But I already made my mind and left the school with the faith that I had in me, assumed that everything happened for reasons.

It's true.

After I changed to another school, my life changed a lot. I started to have friends like real friends... who were with me through me ups and downs... who gave me courage to be who I wanna be.... and lot's of other things that I don't think I can get if I didn't went to that school...

and of course... though we are separated when we start to choose our own path in pursuing our ambitions, though we went to different Higher Learning Institutions, we still remain as friends even until now... we agreed that nothing can stop us from keep going on with this friendship...

Now, sitting here in KOS, thinking back what I've been through the last 2 long semester and a short semester, I'm feeling blessed fro having my girls here with me... If I can give them awards - each and every of them, it'll be "The Coolest Girl Ever Award"...

Thanks, girls... you guys rock my world!

The Coolest Mum and Dad on Earth!

Few days before I went back home, a friend of mine - Mia, showed me her iPhone. I found it very interesting and helpful. She had a lot of applications in there and among them are eBooks of Microbiology, Biochemistry and other medical stuffs. One application costs around $40 - yes, in US dollars! but she can download them for free. Why? I can't tell that in here...

Then she told me one of her friend was trying to sell his iPod Touch - an iPhone minus calling and SMS-ing, and if you have one you can do the same as if you're having an iPhone. He sell it at the price of 2nd hand, around a thousand (actual price during that time was around RM1, 400, I think...). Hearing that, I'm so interested to be the buyer as the package came with casing and other accessories. So, I quickly phoned Mum and asked me to send some money to buy that thing.

After explaining what's this iPod was all about, she said okay and agreed to send the money the day after that. But then, when Mia phoned the friend of her to tell him someone wanted get the iPod from his hands, unfortunately he already sold it to another friend same course as him...

I was so devastated and phoned Mum after that... She said "It's not your rezeki laa... Maybe in future you'll get something better... who knows?". Feeling sad and bla bla bla... I just can't help myself from looking at the picture of iPod Touch like every 5 minutes that I downloaded from Apple.com...

Can't you guys see? It's so beautiful!!!!

So, when I got home, I was being extra-hardworking Daddy's girl - Well, you guys already know that at home I'm the cook, secretary, operator, typist, cleaner...or you guys can call it a M.P.A = multipurpose assistant (not Medical Assistant, duh...)...

So Mum was like "Something fishy... can you smell it?" to Dad... though I was trying my hardest to play innocent!

So the next day, I think I wanna pose that 1 million dollar question to Mum.... Is there any chance that she's gonna get me that thing. But then she said "Uh.. uh.. no way! You already spent a lot your Nike stuffs, remember? You even said yourself you'd done shopping until next month!"

When I think about it, yeah... I already spent a lot... Well, I bought the iPod Classic for one example... still! I wanna have it! It'll be so much easier if you have English dictionary + Biology Dictionary + PDA applications and etc. whenever, wherever you need it, right?

On the next day, the day that my big brother gonna return back from Subang's Air Force Camp, my little brother asked me if I wanna go to 1Borneo after we picked him at the airport... Thinking that I might gonna 'stalk' the iPod Touch again, I said no... but my little brother kept on insisting as he wanna buy a new watch - like mine and my big brother's, so I agreed on one condition which was do not let me passing by the Mac retail store.

When we got there! OMG! The Premium Reseller of Mac product was having a Mac Fair!

So after having our dinner at the Food Court - the kimchi was the best part, Mum wanted us to go to the Mac Fair. Thinking that I'm gonna be more and more sad if I didn't get one of those iPod Touches... I don't wanna go but my little brother grabbed my hands faster before I could say anything!

Looking around and around, I manage to find the iPod booth so I pushed away the promoter and showed to Mum the angel. I explained the features and everything to her... the PDA-like features, the applications and all... But I was so surprised when she actually requested one to buy and it's for me! Yippee!!!!

Before leaving the fair, I managed to grab the casing and the charger so I don't need to charged my iPods from my laptop...

Well, I gotta admit that my Mum and Dad are the coolest parents on earth! Luv ya!

iPod Classic

Though I was busy observing the 16th IIUM's Taekwondo Open Varsity Competition, I managed to find some time to go to Low Yatt Plaza in KL for a tech-stuffs window shopping... well, that was the plan... :)

It was around 1.30 p.m. I took off from IIUM Gombak and headed for KL... When I got there, it was no surprise to see there were so many people and I almost drowned by them especially in the second floor - where new phones and accessories are being sold.

Then, suddenly I remembered about my long-dreamed iPod... But then, as I don't really know about this thing, I just walk into the MacStudio - a Premium Reseller for Apple and talked to one of the salesperson...

Well, basically, the latest iPod Apple is releasing is the 120 GB iPod Classic. It's available in 2 colours, silver and black. A friend of mine owned a 30 GB iPod - don't know when she bought that, and I was thinking about to get the same like her as I think I don't need that 120 GB - I really don't know what else I want to put in there other than my songs and music videos collections which are around 25 GB but unfortunately it isn't available anymore...

Then the salesperson asked me if I want to check out the new 8GB iPod Touch. I was like "What is that?". Obviously I really don't know what was that... Then I decided to walk around to other iPod-selling shops when finally one Chinese guy said hi and asked if I'm looking for an iPod to buy... Wow! I bet he has sixth sense! Then I followed him into his shop where there are so many other Apple stuffs like MacBook, MacBook Air, Mac Pro and other kind of iPod like iPod Shuffle...

Then he opened one locker full with iPod Classics and iPod Touches and showed me the silver iPod... and then, Oh, my God! I fell in love with it once I touch it! Though it's a bit heavy, well of course! it's 120GB! What do you expect?

So I just pulled some cash and bring the angel straight back to IIUM Gombak after I bought a West Digital external hard disk for Dat...

When I arrived at the Sport Complex, the competition was still going on so I just sit among the audience while waiting for the last event of the programme - prize giving ceremony...

So the result is IIUM got the first place for Male category... that's it..

Around 6.30, the IIUM bus came with students that participated the MRC programme in Port Dickson so after all of us manage to gather in front of the Sport Complex, we looked back at some friends that waved at us with smiles on their faces and hopped into bus where I went to 3 seats from the back of the bus.

Tired and satisfied with what I've been through last 3 days, learning strategies when you are head-to-head with your opponents, and lots of rules and regulations, I smiled not only because I got to learn all new things, but also because now I can tick one of the thing I wanted most in my life so far...

iPod Classic... One word = Capacity!

think I'm gonna post about it later...

Can't wait for tomorrow!